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Earache Hotel - October 2006

WOLFMOTHER: WOLFMOTHER (REVIEW)

October 31st 2006 13:40
WOLFMOTHER
WOLFMOTHER
(2005; Interscope/Modular)

RATING:
2 & a Half Stars


TRACK LISTING: 1)
Colossal / 2) Woman / 3) White Unicorn / 4) Pyramid / 5) Mind's Eye / 6) Joker And The Thief / 7) Dimension / 8) Where Eagles Have Been / 9) Apple Tree / 10) Tales From The Forest Of Gnomes / 11) Witchcraft / 12) Vagabond


Wolfmother
Wolfmother (2005)
The God of ‘70s Rock stands atop a majestic cliff with the wind whipping through his lion-hair, his hairy chest beating bravely under his unbuttoned big-collared shirt, and his cock straining in his spandex pants. Wolfmother make offerings to the God of ‘70s Rock, in the form of the big riffs, big organ vamps, big girlie vocals, big hair, lyrics about unicorns and other mystical fantasy shit, and probably some scantily clad virgins with big breasts. And the God of ‘70s rock is pleased, because Wolfmother have had a very successful year: taking out three Arias on Sunday night for Best Group, Best Album, and Best Breakthrough Album; not to mention their success overseas.


Far be it from me to question the omniscience and taste of the God of ‘70s Rock, and just about everyone else in the world, but Wolfmother’s debut is missing something that stops me from liking it as much as all the magazines and old dudes at bus stops in Uriah Heap t-shirts are telling me I should.

Not only are Wolfmother less than original—apeing the sludgey trudge of Black Sabbath, the Eastern-tinged mysticism of Led Zeppelin, and the organ-fuelled psychedelia of Deep Purple—even their influences have been done to death. Bands have been milking these dinosaur bands for inspiration since time began, and if some bunch of whippersnappers is gonna tug at that udder, they’d better add a bit of flavour to make the well-matured yoghurt go down better. Wolmother fail to add anything much at all here apart from youthful exuberance and cracking musicianship, making them little more than an anachronism: offering the safety of nostalgia under the guise of new rock. That would be fine if they had the songwriting to back it up. And they do, for a while. But too often the songs on this album degenerate into pretentious noodling and dull genericism, making for a less than memorable experience.

Sure, there are some great moments on Wolfmother (2005). “White Unicorn” is a scenic trail through clean Zeppelin jangle, Sabbath stomp, and Purple organ noodling; “Pyramid” is galloping Sabbath meets eerie space rock; and “Tales From The Forest Of Gnomes” is shimmering, Beatlesesque psych pop interjected with stabs of high, stinging guitar. But apart from the rollicking single, “Woman” (which boasts a mesmerising and pleasantly noisy organ bridge from Chris Ross which reminds me of the Doors), I find it hard to remember any of these tunes after the disc has stopped playing. It’s deceptive, because there are hints of greatness littered throughout the record, but something always seems to be draggin’ ‘em back down into the mire of not-very-good-ness. “Colossal” starts out like the impressively epic opener its name suggests, but begins to plod along like a grandpa turtle by the middle. “Mind’s Eye” is a plaintive tune with a restrained performance from vocalist/guitarist Andrew Stockdale that gives way to some inspired Robert Plant-like wailing, but is let down by its chorus of shit. And “Dimension” starts out with an impressive howl, but soon degenerates into generic ‘60s garage rock with a really boring up-and-down riff.

Unfortunately, these missteps and a lack of surprises outweigh the highpoints of this album. It might be enough for the God of ‘70s rock, but there’s just not enough going on here to keep me interested. The band lacks oomph and what little attitude they have (like in the distorted blast that starts “Pyramid” and the sloppy garage punk of “Apple Tree”) is far too fleeting to sell this competent but largely unremarkable set of songs.

I hate to rag on a young, up-and-coming Australian band like this but I don’t think my little bit of criticism is going to stop their monstrous ascent (which was never my intention). Wolfmother are a talented young band who show a lot of promise but still have a lot to learn. I just hope that all the success and the premature blessings from the God of ‘70s Rock doesn’t go to their heads and stifle their development into what could be an innovative, contemporary, and above all unique rock beast.

***

IMAGES

Wolfmother
(album cover used under fair dealing)

* images on this page were taken from the following Wikipedia page:

Wolfmother
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HELLVIS: THE ORIGIN STORY (PART I)

October 30th 2006 13:05
Hellvis Foetus
Cletus the Slack-jawed Foetus: Hell totally sucks dude
A while back, Voices in My Head asked me why I have the name Hellvis (no, not those voices; the Voices that moderates the Voices In My Head and Muzikal Mafia blogs). Anyway, she asked me, and I gave her what I thought was a well-thought-out, honest answer. For the curious, that conversation can be found here.

But something happened yesterday that started me questioning my very identity.

I was just hangin’ out in the Earache Hotel, putting those little bottles of shampoo in all the bathrooms so that my visitors could have nice-smellin’ hair (but not as nice as mine; that’s why they’re only little bottles), when a mysterious southern gentleman with black feathered shoulders and a Stetson hat checked in, offering gruff mutterings of stories and theories as to my origin. We will call this dark stranger The Colonel, because it’s suitably mysterious and because I forgot what his name is. It turns out the memories I had of my past are a li’l hazy, and so I wrote down all I could of what The Colonel said cuz I figured it might come in handy.

The Colonel smoked a big cigar that smelt of sulphur and made his voice all husky and gross, so I poured him a sarsaparilla to lubricate his vocal chords. The following is a rough transcription of what he told me:

“As you may well know, Elvis Aaron Presley was born a twin on January 8, 1935. This was in a real shitshack in Tupelo Mississippi—I’m talkin’ squalor, boy. It sure was unsanitary, but Elvis succeeded in bein’ birthed into this wretched, two-room hovel: a healthy, bouncy boy. Unfortunately, his poor twin brother Jesse, came out stillborn.

Now, Elvis was destined to go to Hell for playin’ the devil’s music see, and also because his name is an anagram of evils: the plural of evil and thus much more evil than regular, singular evil. That’s how evil works, my boy: it’s as much in the words you use as it is in the deeds you do. Yessiree, Elvis was destined for the pits of Hades, but the thing is, there was a mixup in Hell. A helluva mix up. Hawhawhaw.”


The Colonel continued laughing like this until he hacked up some phlegm while I scribbled his ranting down furiously, a little unsure about where he was going with it all. The Colonel cleared his throat and continued:

“Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, at the time of li’l Jesse’s passing, Hell’s minions came to collect Elvis to make him atone for his sins: like throwin’ pool cues at women, getting’ the FBI to investigate the Beatles, and actin’ in all those shitty movies. Now, I know what yer thinkin’: ‘why would Hell’s minions come to collect the soul of Elvis Presley when he was just a li’l baby and ain’t done nothin’ to hurt no one.’ Well ya see, although Elvis’s time of judgement would not occur until 1977, 42 years after his twin’s death and after an accumulation of horrible deeds, time is not measured in the same way in Hell. Forty-two years of our time can translate to only a second of Hell time, while a second of our time might equal three weeks worth of time in Hell. Are ya followin’ me?”

I nodded, and The Colonel hacked some more, so I grabbed him a spittoon from behind the counter. The Colonel had more to tell:

“This is how the mixup was made: Hell’s minions were only really early by three minutes, but it was enough time for ‘em to take li’l Jesse—and the boys looked near identical, bein’ twins ‘n’ all.

So, li’l Jesse the stillborn foetus grew up in the bowels of Hell: brought up by demons. I ain’t real sure what they made Jesse do, but it was sure to be wicked ‘n’ evil. Some folks even say that they made Jesse listen to every album Elvis ever recorded—even that Christmas shit he put out every year. Worse than that, he had to listen to ‘em playin’ all at once, while watchin’ Elvis movies on an endless loop. Have you seen that scene in 'A Clockwork Orange' where Malcom McDowell is gettin’ shown movies of Hitler and people makin’ whoopie ‘n’ all that while Beethoven is playin’ in the background? Well that’s what they say this was like, only worse. The torture that Jesse suffered at the hands of his demon caretakers left him with recurrin’ amnesia and an irrational fear of Hawaiian shirts. They nicknamed him ‘Cletus, the Slack-jawed Foetus’, on account of the way his jaw dropped after all the trauma he’d been through. Actually, that part's pretty funny”


The Colonel hacked and coughed in between puffs of his cigar, spitting black muck into the spittoon. “Now get me another sarsaparilla will ya?” he added.

I poured another glass of the fizzy dark liquid, handed it The Colonel, and he downed it in one gulp. Then he proceeded to tell me what happened to Elvis’s’ brother Jesse once he got out of Hell.

Stay tuned for part two on Wednesday.

***

IMAGES

Hellvis Foetus
(image created by Hellvis)
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With Halloween approaching in the night with all the haste of a ninja (or some really fast monster lizard) I thought it appropriate to post up my Unlucky Top Thirteen list of Halloween tunes. Halloween songs need to be dark and chilling but also kinda fun, to keep the party festivities going and to ensure that all the ghouls and ghosts keep shaking their ectoplasmic asses. The songs should also preferably be about some kind of monster, but not the kind on Metallica’s St Anger album, cuz that album sucks balls through a picket fence.

So here it is, my Unlucky Top Thirteen Halloween Songs to listen to while you bob for apples with razor blades and take candy from strangers.

1) Black Sabbath: “Black Sabbath”
from Black Sabbath (1970; Warner Brothers)


Black Sabbath
Black Sabbath (1970)
What Halloween would be complete without Ozzy and the boys? This, the self-titled opening track from their self-titled debut album (which was released on Friday 13 by the way) is one dark and foreboding little number. From the first crack of thunder, the sound of pouring rain, and the tolling bells; you know this tune is gonna be good: a murky and menacing trudger with Ozzy in fine wailing form. There’s nothing else quite as doomy on the Sabs debut but this tune put many minds in a metal mood, and is the perfect way to get your Halloween off to a rockin’ start.

2) The Cramps: “Goo Goo Muck”
from Psychedelic Jungle (1981; Capitol)


Psychedelic Jungle
Psychedelic Jungle (1981)
It’s Halloween every night when you’re the Cramps, but even though they appeal to the gothic set, Lux Interior and Poison Ivy are all about fun rockabilly mayhem. This is plenty spooky, with vibrato all over the guitars and Lux Interior coming off all Vincent Price and whooping it up like a loon in the outro. The tune is about a teenage cannibal, with plenty of the usual Cramps innuendo. Best lyric: ‘I’m the night head hunter, lookin’ for some head’ The Cramps never fail to put a bit of sex in your Halloween, with all the subtlety of a Carry On… film.

3) Man Or Astro-Man?: “Invasion of the Dragon Men”
from Is it… Man Or Astro-Man? (1993; Estrus)


Is It... Man Or Astro-man?
Is It... Man Or Astro-man? (1993)
Man Or Astro-Man? have come a long way from their days of standard issue instrumental surf rock spiced up with samples from ‘50s science fiction tv shows and movies. But their early records are still a trick-or-treat bag-full o’ fun, and this song is no exception. The opening and closing proclamations from Drako, King of the Dragon Men would get this track in the list regardless, but they bookend a smokin’ surf tune with all the darkness that the genre can muster, which is impressive considering surf music is supposed to accompany dudes totally hangin’ ten and chicks in bikinis go-go dancing.

4) Fantomas: “Spider Baby”
from The Director’s Cut (2001; Ipecac)


The Director's Cut
The Director's Cut (2001)
I could’ve picked the theme to Rosemary’s Baby or The Omen or any number of tracks from Fantomas’s second album; made up mostly of horror movie music reworked in their schizophrenic avant-metal style. But the fact is, none are as fun as this: a cover of the theme to the ‘60s horror-comedy cult film starring Lon Chaney Jr. There’s plenty of ghostly backing vocals, theremin wails, sinister handclaps, and evil laughs to keep up the fright-factor; and the lyrics to ‘the maddest story ever told’ are really somethin’ else. Example: ‘Frankenstein, Dracula, and even the Mummy / are sure to end up in someone’s tummy.’

5) Ramones: “Pet Sematary”
from Brain Drain (1989; Sire)


Brain Drain
Brain Drain (1989)
Who the hell spells cemetery like that? America of course, and nothing’s more American than the Ramones. They’re another band who have the horror oozing outta their eyesockets like so much fake slime, and any one of their albums is sure to throw up a few hair-raising ditties for your All Hallow’s Eve festivities. But I couldn’t resist this, the theme song to Pet Sematary. Stephen King loves the Ramones, and so should you. This has a haunting minor key melody, lovely harmonies, and even synths. On paper it doesn’t sound like the Ramones we know and love, but the spirit of the ‘broth-ahs’ still haunts this hook-filled tune.

6) Mighty Mighty Bosstones: “Devil’s Night Out”
from Devil’s Night Out (1990; Taang!)


Devil's Night Out
Devil's Night Out (1990)
Not since the Specials’ “Ghost Town” have ska and Halloween made better bedfellows. This title track from the Bosstones debut album doesn’t have the spook factor of “Ghost Town” but that song was more about the violence in the English punk scene than any real spectres. This party anthem more than makes up for any lack of scares with its thrashing guitar; alternating hardcore metal and horny skankin’ breakdowns; and lyrics about how much of a party animal Satan is: delivered in Dicky Barrett’s gruff bark. Best lyric: ‘The band was so hot, my beer got warm.’

7) Blue Oyster Cult: “(Don’t Fear) The Reaper”
from Agents Of Fortune (1976; CBS)


Agents Of Fortune
Agents Of Fortune (1976)
While BOC are mostly known for their balls-out biker rockin’, they’re also known for this song that is ostensibly about suicide. I prefer to think of it as a song about a fictitious character called the grim reaper, cuz it’s Halloween and I don’t want the thought of actual self-inflicted death messin’ up my rockin’ good time. This has a fiery and sinister bit in the middle, and the rest is comprised of a gorgeous minor key jangly guitar riff, a beautiful Byrdsy melody, and clanking cowbell. And both you and I know that there ain’t nothin’ scarier than cowbell.

8) Misfits: “Halloween”
from Legacy Of Brutality (1985; Plan 9/Caroline)


Legacy Of Brutality
Legacy Of Brutality (1985)
Like the Cramps, almost any Misfits song will do for a Halloween party and it’s always handy to have a couple of their albums lying around to keep the creepy shenanigans going on. Still, I chose this tune because it sounds like it was recorded in a dungeon, rendering the punk guitar about as melodic as a vacuum cleaner. But it still showcases Danzig’s big Elvis-meets-Jim Morrison croon and is as catchy and reminiscent of the ‘50s as any of their early material. Plus, it’s about Halloween and will get the little dead kids tearing up your living room in a pint-sized circle-pit.

9) Outkast (Featuring Kelis): “Dracula’s Wedding”
from Speakerboxxx/The Love Below (2003; Arista)


Speakerboxxx/The Love Below
Speakerboxxx/The Love Below (2003)
It’s been a pretty rockin’ night so far, so how’s about a little urban flava to change things up? What better way to get the boys wet and the girls hard than to play this tune from Andre 3000’s Love Below half of the band’s split-double opus. “Dracula’s Wedding” is a great electro-funky tune with Andre sharin' Dracula's view of romance in his best high Prince-voice. He’s basically saying that the only thing that makes Dracula scared is a woman, which is sweet and kinda true (take it from me, I’m an ancient demon of rock and still get nervous around the ladies).

10) Deadbolt: “Twang Zombie”
from Tiki Man (1994; Headhunter)


Tiki Man
Tiki Man (1994)
Sure, Deadbolt are probably the best gothic surf band around, and the guys have a great sense of humour and trash aesthetic to rival their progenitors, the Cramps. But as funny as these guys are, they play surf rock in such an icy cold way that you can’t help but get chills down your spine. This track features some of their most beautifully liquid and eerie guitar playing with lyrics about a murderous zombie drifter. They don’t call themselves ‘The Scariest Band in the World’ for nothin’.

11) New York Dolls: “Frankenstein”
from New York Dolls (1973; Mercury)


New York Dolls
New York Dolls (1973)
Seeming as everyone’s in costume, why not add a bit of cross-dressing glam from New York’s sleeziest Stone-via-Stooges miscreants. It’s better than anything from the Rocky Horror Picture Show, that’s for sure. “Frankenstein” is a massive stomper which is kinda fitting for its subject matter isn’t it? Like “Goo Goo Muck and “Dracula’s Wedding”, this explores the monster's prowling as a metaphor for a dude's search for lovin', and you’ve gotta love David Johansen droning, ‘Dooo yooo thiiink thaaat / yooo cooould maaake iiit / wiiith Fraaaankeeensteeeiiin?’ at the end of the song in his sneering New York accent.

12) Barry Adamson: “Jazz Devil”
from As Above So Below (1998; Mute)


As Above So Below
As Above So Below (1998)
Barry Adamson’s cinematic As Above So Below album relates this smooth cat’s descent into hell and subsequent ascent into heaven: apparently a metaphor for his experiences during hip surgery. It’s a great concept album full of jazzy noir and James Bond intrigue. And Barry’s descent into Hotel Hades is documented wonderfully in this swingin’ late-night jazz number about the trials and tribulations of the Jazz Devil: agent 00666. It’s sexy and dark in a way that only the Moss Side Tory can provide, with cool Hammond-infused verses and a big brassy chorus.

13) The Birthday Party: “Release The Bats”
from Junkyard (1982; Shock)


Junkyard
Junkyard (1982)
'Rowrrr, BITE!' Before Nick Cave was a lounge-lizardy cross between Leonard Cohen and Tom Waits, he was a mad bastard with finger-in-a-light-socket hair and a band of incredibly malevolent miscreants to back up his shrieking taunts. “Release The Bats” has Tracy Pew’s trademark stripshow bass playing, some stinging Roland S. Howard guitar, and Nick screaming about ‘cool machines’, ‘horror bats’ and ‘sex vampires’. The perfect way to close off your night of Halloween fun and send your more squeamish guests off into the clutches of night.

***

IMAGES

Black Sabbath*
Psychedelic Jungle*
Is It…Man Or Astro-man?*
The Director’s Cut*
Brain Drain*
Devil’s Night Out*
Agents Of Fortune*
Legacy Of Brutality*
utkast-speakerboxx-lovebelow.jpg" target="_blank">Speakerboxxx/The Love Below*
Tiki Man*
New York Dolls*
As Above So Below*
Junkyard*
(album covers used under fair dealing)

* images on this page were taken from the following Wikipedia and All Music Guide pages:

Black Sabbath
Psychedelic Jungle
Is It... Man Or Astro-man?
The Director’s Cut
Brain Drain
Devil’s Night Out
Agents Of Fortune
Legacy Of Brutality
Speakerboxxx/The Love Below
Tiki Man
New York Dolls
As Above So Below
Junkyard
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Because I’m sitting here, smoking stale tobacco and drinking premix gin & tonics instead of attending the Urge Overkill gig at the Zoo tonight, I am sad. The only thing that cheers me up when I’m in a funk like this is the music of Wesley Willis, probably the most important artist of the ‘90s.

Wesley Willis
I feel like Wesley looks right now
Wesley Willis was a 6'6", 350 lb, schizophrenic, black man from Chicago who recorded over 50 albums with his trusty Technics KN1200 keyboard, before his untimely death from leukemia complications in 2003. Wesley redefined the parameters of punk rock, taking it to a lo-fi repetitious extreme that set him apart from nearly every other performer; and was one of the few true postmodernists who didn't have his head shoved all the way up his ass (it helps that he was completely out of his tree, but what genius isn't?). Wesley Willis’s art is dismissed by most as novelty crap, but I think he added an important dash of purity and even satire to the music industry, (but that’s the subject for another post, or possibly a thesis


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BIRD BLOBS: BIRD BLOBS (REVIEW)

October 24th 2006 11:14
BIRD BLOBS
BIRD BLOBS
(2004; UNSTABLE APE RECORDS)

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55
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DON’T NEED YOU: NEW RIOT GRRRL DOCO

October 23rd 2006 10:20
Don't Need You
'Us punk rock whores don't need you' - Bikini Kill
Forget the namby-pamby, prepackaged girl power of Alanis Morrisette and Courtney Love. The true Riot Grrrl movement was started in Olympia and Washington DC about 15 years ago by a number of truly independent-minded, female-dominated bands who weren’t in it for the money. Riot Grrrl was more than just a musical movement: it was a DIY underground revolution of fanzines, activism, and network building that gave a platform to many unique voices who otherwise may never have been heard.

Don’t Need You: The Herstory of Riot Grrrl is a new documentary by Kerri Koch, featuring interviews with key players in the movement such as Bikini Kill's Kathleen Hanna, Sleater-Kinney's Corin Tucker, Bratmobile’s Allison Wolfe, and token male Ian Mackay of Minor Threat and Fugazi. There’s also plenty of rare archival material to get Riot Grrrl geeks everywhere salivating


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THE JESUS LIZARD: DOWN (REVIEW)

October 19th 2006 10:29
THE JESUS LIZARD
DOWN
(1994; TOUCH & GO)

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Hellvis Head
'Ratin' is a game that grown-ups play / Ratin' means acting in a silly way / Ratin' makes girls start wiggle walking / Ratin' makes a guy start baby talking'
Ratin'. Such an important factor when puttin’ together one o’ these record review type deals. After ogling a couple of other similar sites I’ve decided to opt for the time-honoured five star system. The five star system is also used to rate hotels. The Earache Hotel is a hotel. See where I'm goin' with this?

I don’t really enjoy giving someone’s creative output a score out of five, and my opinion on albums can change pretty much every time I hear them. The real meat can be found in the body of the reviews. The reviews themselves are like a big ol’ crawfish: sweet, fresh, and ready to cook. Actually, they're nothing like a big ol' crawfish. Still, if you’re not a reader, the ratin's give you an idea of what I thought of the album at a glance (not that you'd know cuz you're not reading this


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Tom Waits
"I don't have a drinking problem / 'cept when I can't get a drink"
Tom Waits is, without a doubt, my favourite male vocalist in this whole miserable world. From his early-‘70s days as a barroom piano troubadour to the clanking junkyard weirdness he discovered after marrying his longtime wife and collaborator, Kath Brennan; Waits is Bob Dylan for the weird, the morose, and the generally hunchbacked and lopsided. The guy’s got everything: poetic lyrics, a unique grainy voice that says so much about the human condition, and the rocks to produce more and more experimental music the older he gets.

Pitchfork have a number of exclusive MP3s from Waits’s upcoming 3 CD set of rarities and new material entitled Orphans: Brawlers, Bawlers and Bastards (due for release on November 21 2006 on the Anti label). Although the arrangements seem a lot more straightforward and accessible than some of his most recent material, Waits sounds as cranky and gravely as ever, and I can’t wait for this’un to hit the shelves (Yes, I still ‘buy’ music from a ‘record shop,’ especially when it’s by an ‘artist’ who I feel has the ‘integrity’ to deserve my money


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Whistler's Mother
You'd be driven to staring at a wall like an old biddy with a broken spirit too, if you had to listen to whistling all day
Whistling is fine when you’re one of the Seven Dwarves. I'd whistle too if I knew that when the day is done and the coal's been dug, I'm goin’ back home to the fairest of them all (even if I do have to share her with six other dudes).

What I hate is tradesmen, magistrates, shop assistants, newsagents, cricket captains, green grocers, lawyers, astronauts, tax accountants, South American revolutionaries, florists, foreign diplomats, animators, service station attendents, super heroes, crane operators, secretaries, Buddhist priests, or just about anyone who isn’t a dwarf whistling while they work. Scratch that, whistling while they do ANYTHING


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COCOROSIE: NOAH’S ARK (REVIEW)

October 13th 2006 12:00
COCOROSIE
NOAH’S ARK
(2005; TOUCH & GO)

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