POLISHED TURDS & HOT LITTLE NUGGETS: SHORTER REVIEWS NOW AT EARACHE HOTEL
March 5th 2007 14:15
I’ve had enough of this shit, ya hear!? This whole reviewing thing is just drivin’ the ol’ Hellvis up the wall til’ he’s dancin’ on the ceilin’ with Billy Ocean or Lionel Richie (is there a difference? Only DNA testing will tell). I’m late with the Ween review that was promised last week, and everything’s just swirling and mounting like an explosive diarrhoea hurricane in my stomach.
So here’s the deal. From now on, I’m imposing a word limit to my reviews. I already work to a 200 word limit for my Tsunami reviews, and I’ve found this to be a good way of organising my thoughts and summing up what I want to say without all the excess dribble that I feel the need to spray forth when I’m given free reign.
This will hopefully have a few positive effects:
a) Shorter reviews are more easily read and absorbed by you, my beloved brothers ‘n’ sisters in rock. Hopefully this will make the site more accessible. I’m sure you don’t have all day to listen to me crap on about how much I think I know about music and make your eyes hurt. Rather than wrenching out warm slimy paragraph after paragraph, my reviews will now be hot little nuggets. Hot little nuggets might attract more readers.
2) I think shorter reviews will improve my writing. Constraints force you to stretch your abilities and imagination, and my current lack of them has made me a bit lazy. Without trying to tell you everything I know like some kind of self-indulgent jerk I will hopefully be able to craft better reviews that will provoke a response rather than making people feel like there’s nothing left to say. I would prefer to talk about music with people, not talk music AT them, which I feel I am doing now. You can’t polish a turd but you can polish a nugget (even when it’s still a turd).
#) Shorter reviews will be easier for me to edit and make sparkly and nice, which will give me time to do more reviews, and maybe some other types of posts like the videos which I have been neglecting of late. At the moment I squat and sweat over the reviews for hours and hours: taking notes, squeezing, writing, grunting, editing, shitting. Writing these reviews has become a slow and painful process, and I don’t think it’s yielding results that are the equivalent of the effort put in. Shorter reviews will make me more regular, and that’s healthy for everyone.
)) I don't know shit. Long reviews may give the appearance that I do know shit, but it's not really true. Yes, I listen to and read a lot about music, but my lack of knowledge is beginning to embarrass me. The fewer words I write, the more I can focus on what I do know, rather than trying to pad things out with useless information that people can just search on Google. I'll still do research and try to learn, but I don't have to tell you everything. That's boring and betrays a lack of craft and restraint.
CD reviews will now conform roughly to a 400 word limit. EPs and singles will be 150-200 words, and the little descriptions I provide for the Albums of the Month will be 50 words (or maybe 100—I’ll see how I go). Double CDs or box sets like Tom Waits’s Orphans will be 500 words, maybe 600 tops. The new limits will be implemented starting with the Ween review which is coming shortly.
Any feedback on this fresh and aromatic new vision for the b(l)og would be much appreciated. Any complaints about the overuse of the faecal analogy can be directed to that guy in the Myer Centre who served me the dodgy Tortellini Funghi.
So here’s the deal. From now on, I’m imposing a word limit to my reviews. I already work to a 200 word limit for my Tsunami reviews, and I’ve found this to be a good way of organising my thoughts and summing up what I want to say without all the excess dribble that I feel the need to spray forth when I’m given free reign.
This will hopefully have a few positive effects:
a) Shorter reviews are more easily read and absorbed by you, my beloved brothers ‘n’ sisters in rock. Hopefully this will make the site more accessible. I’m sure you don’t have all day to listen to me crap on about how much I think I know about music and make your eyes hurt. Rather than wrenching out warm slimy paragraph after paragraph, my reviews will now be hot little nuggets. Hot little nuggets might attract more readers.
2) I think shorter reviews will improve my writing. Constraints force you to stretch your abilities and imagination, and my current lack of them has made me a bit lazy. Without trying to tell you everything I know like some kind of self-indulgent jerk I will hopefully be able to craft better reviews that will provoke a response rather than making people feel like there’s nothing left to say. I would prefer to talk about music with people, not talk music AT them, which I feel I am doing now. You can’t polish a turd but you can polish a nugget (even when it’s still a turd).
#) Shorter reviews will be easier for me to edit and make sparkly and nice, which will give me time to do more reviews, and maybe some other types of posts like the videos which I have been neglecting of late. At the moment I squat and sweat over the reviews for hours and hours: taking notes, squeezing, writing, grunting, editing, shitting. Writing these reviews has become a slow and painful process, and I don’t think it’s yielding results that are the equivalent of the effort put in. Shorter reviews will make me more regular, and that’s healthy for everyone.
)) I don't know shit. Long reviews may give the appearance that I do know shit, but it's not really true. Yes, I listen to and read a lot about music, but my lack of knowledge is beginning to embarrass me. The fewer words I write, the more I can focus on what I do know, rather than trying to pad things out with useless information that people can just search on Google. I'll still do research and try to learn, but I don't have to tell you everything. That's boring and betrays a lack of craft and restraint.
CD reviews will now conform roughly to a 400 word limit. EPs and singles will be 150-200 words, and the little descriptions I provide for the Albums of the Month will be 50 words (or maybe 100—I’ll see how I go). Double CDs or box sets like Tom Waits’s Orphans will be 500 words, maybe 600 tops. The new limits will be implemented starting with the Ween review which is coming shortly.
Any feedback on this fresh and aromatic new vision for the b(l)og would be much appreciated. Any complaints about the overuse of the faecal analogy can be directed to that guy in the Myer Centre who served me the dodgy Tortellini Funghi.
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Comment by Cibbuano
20/20 Filmsight
Science News
Hunt Famous
Orble Post of the Day
Fat Cult
Techbreak
That's tough. It killed me to take words out, but necessary.
Comment by Hellvis
Earache Hotel
Thanks for the feedback. I don't mind when people crap on--it can give an insight into the person beyond what they're writing about--but hopefully I can still achieve this within the new word limit.
I think its neccessary for my sanity.